Mother's Day

A daughter interviewing her mother


  • Auckland
  • Community
May 10, 2020 Ranisha Shivagni Chand

If you could share one memory/moment that was significant just between you and me, What would that be?

I’d say when you were born. I remember just staring at you for a while. Your skin was completely red and you were the tiniest thing I had ever seen or held. So fragile yet beautiful. It was astonishing to hold you after carrying you for 9 months. I think among my three children, I had the worst pregnancy sickness while carrying you. I couldn’t eat properly nor was I able to carry on with my daily chores. I had to sleep off my dizziness for like ¾ of the time I was pregnant. Yet when I held you for the very first time in hospital the peace I felt could never be described. All those morning sicknesses were very much worth it when I saw those two black orbs for the first time.


The relationship between every mother and every child is unique to the other. What do you think makes your relationship unique/different? 

When I was a child I didn't spend a lot of time with my mum because she was a working woman. I hardly ever saw her and being the only girl in the family I missed the company of a female. In my heart, I always had a desire to be my child’s friend more than a mother. I wanted you to feel me right behind you back when you were down. I didn't want you to be scared to open up to me. So I did whatever it took me to learn and earn to be your friend. So I think friendship and companionship rather than parent-ship make our relationship a unique one. 


Do you think that motherhood has changed you? If so, how?

Where do I start? Becoming a domestic mother was the biggest change I guess. I could have worked if I wanted but my heart was always on a thin thread if you weren't near me. Becoming a domestic mother from a modernized city girl was something that I never planned on doing. I had gone from being financially independent to thinking of what to cook for meals every day. If 20 years earlier before you were born someone described me to be the way I am right now. I would have laughed at their faces. But, I can proudly say that despite this change being unplanned I never had once regretted this decision. Just being able to see you grow into the amazing woman you are makes every sacrifice worth my while.  


Being a mother is an amazing yet overwhelming journey. How do you cope when situations become challenging?

Being a mother for me means signing a 24/7 contract for pretty much a lifetime. I have been through challenges at every stage of my motherhood. Yes, you are right! It is an amazing journey but an overwhelming one. I remember this one time I went to wash the dishes thinking that you were asleep, but your naughty bum went into the laundry room and almost drank bleach. My god, I almost had a heart attack that day. These incidents are laughable memories now but during that time, it made me feel so insecure. The fact that I was not able to care for you properly had all the negative feelings rushing towards me. I felt like I was not a good mum to you. There were times when I felt completely ugly too. I did not like the way I looked. I felt fat, I had developed medical issues and till date, I have the stretch marks on my stomach. All those challenges have shaped the way that I think today. It took time to come to terms with my own body, it doesn't bother me much. I coped with my challenges by thinking of you. Reminding myself with your drooling toothless smile whenever I felt sad or insecure. 


If you had a chance to advise your younger self. What would you like to say?

To keep the bleach on a shelf away from your reach! The only advice I would give is never to look down on myself. I have stretch marks so what, I have a daughter that replicates my beauty. I have medical issues so what, I have a daughter who is going to take care of me when I can longer myself. I am fat so what, my daughter does exercise on my behalf. And lastly, I don't work so what, I had the opportunity to see you grow and teach you the morals that have shaped your personality so beautifully today.

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